Sunday, December 04, 2005

Oh, What The Hell; Not Like I've Got Anything Else To Say

I'm not sure how far back to reference things, but Dana is to blame, in my (or her) Universe, in which she is Queen:

" 'Okay, I found this at Blond Girl's blog and thought it was cute. Plus, I've been kind at a loss for things to write about and this really helps. Here's what she had to say:

"OK, this is NOT a meme, but it is a game you get to play with me. I got it over at Geekwif's place. Here goes: If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment here on my blog with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished leaving your comment, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.I think this will be fun for all; like a bowl of Skittles and M&M's mixed; a color and a flavor for everyone! "

I thought it looked like fun. Anyone up for some fake memories? Although I'm not sure about the Skittles and M&M's mixed. That's just a little weird.' "

So, entertain me.


Otherwise, I shall have to go get things done, and we can't have that.



Blogger Linda said...

Dude! Do you remember that time that we drank 2 bottles of wine and then decided to WALK a mile to the liquor store to get more? What were we thinking? You almost got hit by that car! And then I almost died when TOM HANKS got out of the car to make sure you were okay, and you puked all over his shoes. That was priceless. I wish I had a picture.

12:14 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Linda- Dude! You know, I like TOTALLY forgot about that! Tom seems to be one to carry a grudge because he has never spoken to me again.

12:06 PM  
Blogger moegirl said...

I'll never forget the time that Diana and I went to the Country music jamboree, wow! what a weekend! All of our favorite acts were there- George Jones, Tammy Wynette, and all the country greats we love so much. And, we were lookin' great too- We had our hair done in tribute to Tammy, we would accept nothing less than a 5 inch height to our Aqua-net coiffed country hairdos. Combined with our acrylic fake nails in candy apple red, our skin tight Wrangler jeans and our gingham halter tops, we were a sight to behold....Good times....Good times

12:51 PM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Diana, I will never forget that time that you made an impromptu appearence up at the Chalet. You walked in and Beth and I somehow just knew that it was you. And then when Johnny showed up and we had no clue that she was going to be there and then Teri walked in? Remember the squealing and the laughter and how everyone thought we were insane?

That was the best karaoke night ever. Do you remember how you, Teri and Johnny got completely plowed and started singing "It's Raining Men?" And you claim to be shy. Riiiiiiight.

And then, when you met Gil, you told him to stop being such a dork and to ask me out already. I thought I was going to crawl under the table from the embarrassment but it worked! Who would have thunk it?

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that we're getting married and I'd really like you and Teri to be two of my bridesmaids. And would Sara be our flower girl? It would be the perfect time to introduce her to Josh since he will be the ring bearer. We'll be honeymooning in Portugal so we can see Johnny. What do you say?

2:23 PM  
Anonymous Kate W. said...

Diana- my best memory of you is when you delivered my twin boys in the elevator at Macy's. You thought I was screaming about all of the jacked up prices but really, I was in labor. You did such a great job and only said "This is sooooo disgusting" about 100 times. THEN, when you sent me those adorable size 3T hats for my babies with the "Good Luck ever walking again" note... I always have babies with big heads. You were such a big help that day. That's why I named both boys after you. D1 and D2.

4:41 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

ahhhhhh, no time, no time! I'll come back later with something. Really I will.

5:14 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Stace- And there were those 2 guys with the belt buckles: AJ and DJ! Yes! And they kept hitting on you! You always did have the bigger hair.

Dana- Only if you have acid green, long, flouncy bridesmaid dresses will I be a bridesmaid. Kidding! For you, anything. We will all be joining you on the trip over, of course. Sara would be delighted to be your flower girl and wear a "princess" dress. I will teach her how to twirl inappropriately. I've always had a fondness for the name "Josh". Have you picked out a china pattern?

Kate- Gosh, that was just really amazing(ly disgusting)! The smell of placenta just does it to me every time and here there were two. But such cute kids and, WOW, the brains in those noggins! Just makes me proud to be remembered.

Teri- So you say...

5:44 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

SCENE I. Wisconsin. Ante-room in the bomb sheter.

Enter a Doctor of Physic and a Studying-woman

Doctor: I have two nights watched with you, but can perceive
no truth in your report. When was it she last walked?

Since his majesty went into the field, I have seen
her rise from her bed, throw her night-gown upon
her, unlock her closet, take forth paper, fold it,
write upon't, read it, afterwards seal it, and again
return to bed; yet all this while in a most fast sleep.

Enter Crazy Woman, with a taper

Lo you, here she comes! This is her very guise;
and, upon my life, fast asleep. Observe her; stand close.

How came she by that light?

Why, it stood by her: she has light by her
continually; 'tis her command.

You see, her eyes are open.

Ay, but their sense is shut.

What is it she does now? Look, how she rubs her hands.

(okay - I cheat!)

12:27 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Teri, am I the crazy woman? I am, aren't I? I love how you worked the bomb shelter into there.

This is so fun, I am glad I discovered it.

12:34 AM  
Blogger brooksba said...

Well, since DM already told the memory of us all at the Chalet, I must dig into the memory banks for another story.

And what do I find? I am suddenly taken back to that time we were driving through the Midwest during that horrific snow storm. We ran out of gas and had to make those snow shoes out of pine tree branches. Who would've thought that those squirrels would keep following us as we wandered in circles, not realizing that the gas station was only beyond the treeline?

6:16 AM  
Blogger Babs said...

Ah, I'm CERTAIN you haven't forgotten the time we herded 10,000 head of yak through deepest Outer Mongolia (which would, technically, I suppose, make it Inner Mongolia).

Oh, the way you valiantly defended your right to yakdom!! Fighting off the local warlord and Chevy Chase, using wit, cunning, and several tongue depressors whittled down to the sharpest of points.

And not only did you slay them, but the fuschia dragon on which they rode in on. An endangered species, surely, but our lives mattered more!!

Oh, those heady days of youth!!

Full of vim and vigor, and several pints of rum.

And to this day, I still chuckle when I remember how Pargonil, our intrepid translator and sidekick, mis-translated your words so badly. So that instead of telling the good king that you brought your many yak to the mountain for his happiness; he thought you mounted his yak for your pleasure.

I still tell Queen Elizabeth that story once a week at high tea.

I can't help but chuckle.

And Liz says hello.

9:26 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Teri- .....

Gentlewoman: Look! Lo, she hath dropped the sealed missive.

Doctor: As I fear 'tis our sacred duty, we must read what she hath wrote.

(opens letter and reads)

"All work and no play makes Teri a dull girl. All work and no play makes Teri a dull girl. All work and no play makes Teri a dull girl." At the bottom there seem to be several mathematical formulae.

Gentlewoman: (sobs) Tis too late! She has become consumed. Woe! Woe!

Doctor: Nay! Calm thy self. There is a cure! The fellowship of her fellows shall see her through. That, and a full night's sleep, which should happen on July 18th, 2007.

Gentlewoman: (sniff) So she hath only to suffer for another year and a half!

Doctor: Verily, according to my tomes and expert opinion, and we all know that is infalliable. Medicine is an exact science, now.


Dana- This IS fun, isn't it? Go you!

Beth- *slaps forehead* Oy! The blizzard of '01! The taunting squirrels! The Thug Deer who kept pelting us with slushballs. Bastards. I still suspect it was one of them who sabotaged the neon sign of the gas station so we couldn't see it in the distance. Good idea, that, with the snowshoes, though.

10:21 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

yeah, i was really scraping bottom to come up with anything. I plagarized, no, make that satirized good ol' Will here, and Lewis Carroll at dana's place, and I haven't come up with anything for beth yet. dull, dull, dull, I tell you.

3:21 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Oh, Diana, remember when we were at the conference in St. Louis and you lost your keycard? You stood out in the courtyard for 40 minutes throwing rocks at my window, not realizing that (a) I was sleeping with earplugs in, and (b) it was the window of the room next to mine.

I will never forget how I woke up just in time to see the rent-a-cop chasing you around the pool.

4:50 PM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

Remember the time you stole my toesocks (the ones where each toe was a different color of the rainbow)? I chased after you and stabbed you in the heel with a dirty gardening trowel. There was blood everywhere!!!! You had to go to the emergency room and get 14 stitches and a superpainful (I hope) tetanus jab in your ass.

7:42 PM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

I just read everyone else's memories. Hee-lar-i-ous!!!! And so creative.

Mine comes off as rather hostile. Gosh. Really, I no longer bear you any ill- will; all is forgiven.

7:51 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Teri- I Love both Will and Lewis! I even voluntarily committed "Jabberwocky" to memory in high school. (I can still recite the whole damn thing, thank-you-very-much.)

Jamie, I tell you, was my face red! From the mistaken window (oopsie!) and the running from the security guy. Fortunately, his face was redder from the exertion and he gave up, allowing me to get away, doubling back through the hotel. Well, that's another HoJo I can't go back to...

Rozanne- Well, what else were you going to tell about? The sappy one where we saved the homeless puppies? Or the time we single-handedly landscaped the grounds of that huge nursing home complex, complete with reflection pool and mature rose gardens, overnight, as a surprise for the residents? Heck, everyone knows all about that, it was in all the papers and on the cover of "Time" magazine when we were their People of the Year. (Do you still not bear me ill will if I tell you I snuck in your house last year and re-stole the socks? Beause if you do, I really didn't and am sure you lost them on your own.)

9:20 AM  
Blogger JoeinVegas said...

Having the rodeo back in town has brought back those repressed memories - when I supposedly dropped Dana and Beth for them to have a good time, then you and I ran off for three days? Still sorry that I never thought the campfire would lure the cowboys, I hope they showed you a good time, it took me the next two days to get untied. But from the bag of big belt buckles you showed up with it seems you must have had a good time.

4:37 PM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

So much fun. I love the bit about being on the cover of Time! Heee. Hee!!!

6:17 PM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

Remember the time when I had a brain and imagination and would have been thrilled by such a post? Remember? HELP!

7:54 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Joe- You KNOW I did! I never could resist an unshaven man in a grimy shirt with a big ol' belt buckle, now could I? It was nice of you to entertain yourself for those two days, I must say.

Rozanne- I think this is my favorite memeish thing.

Johnny- Don't worry, dahling, your brain will be back as soon as you stop scaring it so with the bones and the nerves and the wretched endocrine system. Poor, poor thing. It must be shivering under your hypothalamus or maybe behind your pineal. Go give it a plate of cookies and a saucer of milk.

8:20 AM  

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