Sensing The Need

In the last post, as I nattered on about all things Dora, and then lamented that Sara preferred her to Blues Clues, I realized something shocking. Some of you, you who do not have small children, are ignorant of such shows.

Well.

Had you not spoken up in your lovely comments, I would have gone blithely on my blogging ways, and you would be reading something else. But, noooooo. You brought this to my attention and therefore I feel compelled to wax lyrical and rant rancidly about pre-schooler shows. (Sorry, Cagey, I just couldn't resist, and you are unlikely to hop in the car and drive 2 states up to hunt me down, especially with your adorable but noodle-necked infant. I am hoping by the time he gets head control, you will have forgotten my using your blog title in such an off-handed way.) You have no one to blame but yourselves.

OK, some housekeeping to get out of the way:

First, Sara received a total of 4 Dora presents: 3 jigsaw puzzles (from her loving mom) and 1 loud, mechanized, battery-operated, gyrating Dora (from her indulgent, and possibly vengeful, paternal grandmother). As no one chose "cuatro Dora gifts", I will fall back on the set of Dora and Boots toys that adorned her cake and add them in to make "cinco Dora gifts". Everyone applaud Jamie, who wins bragging rights. This is especially impressive as she has no two-legged progeny, at least none that she admits to. Three- and four-legged progeny, yes, but they do not seem to need much in the way of heavily marketed toys, being content with sticks, snakes, walks, and balls.

Second, yes, my kids watch, *gasp*, TV. How the hell else am I able to get all this cleaning and closet organizing done that I seem to go on and on about with them always after me to "play" and "color" and do "homework" with them? (If anybody takes that as anything other than complete and utter sarcasm, I will slap them and then mock them for the next 12 months running.) The truth? We watch TV. Some. Some days more, (I have no problem with a sick kid lying on the couch chain-watching show after show.) some days less, some days not at all. We mostly watch Nick Jr (the pre-school Nickelodeon channel) and Noggin (has essentially the same shows, having seemingly purchased their whole line-up from Nick Jr and just shifted the time slots).

Now, on to the shows, from the standpoint of an adult in the same room with them:

Dora the Explorer: The premise is that a bilingual Latina girl and her best friend, Boots, the monkey, go on errands with her talking backpack and talking map. The map knows all and the backpack holds all. There is always a set of 3 things they must get through to achieve their destination. Repetition is key. Repetition is key. Repetition is key. This show annoys the crap out of me, which as an adult, it should. I do like that the lead character is female and not Caucasian. Plus, Sara really is learning some Spanish, like hollering, "ayudame, mommy!" when she wants help. Marketed up the ying-yang as evidenced by all the loudly mechanized dolls and accessories and plates and towels and underwear. A couple of loud dolls are unleashed on the public each holiday season. My mother-in-law will purchase them all, because Sara needs them.

Go Diego, Go!: A spin off of Dora. He is her bilingual cousin who rescues animals and lives in a tropical rain forrest / animal refuge. He doesn't have a talking backpack, he has a talking rescue pack, that has everything. Of course, all the animals talk. Not quite as annoying as Dora, but close.

Blues Clues: The original show was with Steve (Steve Burns) and a cast of animated animals, like Blue (his dog), Mr Salt and Mrs Pepper, Shovel and Pail, Slippery Soap and Side Table Drawer. Steve solves a question posed by Blue, who for some reason doesn't speak words, (unlike the furniture and cooking utensils), by finding clues (marked with her pawprint), writing them down in the handy-dandy notebook, and skidooing into alternate realities, like pictures on the wall and books. Then, in my opinion, the show goes downhill, (although not everyone thinks this is the case) when Steve goes off to college (in reality, apparently, joins a band) and turns the house and show over to his sappy brother, Joe. Joe is annoying, like an over-enthusiastic cheerleader. Steve was more underplayed and just a bit simple. Steve was soothing, Joe grating. Just my take. Of course, my kids prefer Joe. I do like the problem solving aspect to this show and I like the animation. I like Steve (no, not in that way). Several people, mostly his students, think Charles looks like Steve. Neither of us think so, aside from the brown hair and eyes, cheekbones, two arms, two legs, pasty, thin white guy thing. Charles is also about a foot taller and does not dimple. He is also a much better conversationalist. And a better dresser. (Steve wears only green stripes and khaki.) We will not speak of the completely vile and wretched Blue's Room spin-off.

Play With Me, Sesame: A Sesame Street spin-off with the irritating Prairie Dawn. It does have Bert and Ernie and Grover (my personal favorite) but not the good, interesting stuff of the real show. (No Cookie Monster in this one, Dana) Sadly, the real Sesame Street show has seemingly been taken over by the high-voiced irritating-to-the-point-of-violence characters like Zoe, Elmo, Prairie Dawn, Rosita, et al. Teri sent me a link that is completely hilarious involving Grover and Elmo, which I have lost. She may feel up to sharing it again. It is not rated G.

Franklin: Animated, sweet, innocuous, but not irritating, bland adventures of the turtle, Franklin, and his friends: Bear, Rabbit, Beaver, Duck, Fox, etc. It is fine.

Little Bear: Based on the Maurice Sendak books. I like this one. Also sweet but not treacly. About the little bear, Little Bear, and his friends: Owl, Goose, Cat, etc.

The Backyardigans: Animated imaginary "real" adventures of 5 animal friends who share a large backyard. This is actually well written and I may have been known to sit and watch it when it was on and a child was involved in something else. I would never admit to such, though.

Miss Spider: Yes, animated. Story of a family of various sorts of bugs, many of whom were adopted and their adventures. Pretty good. Doesn't annoy.

Max and Ruby: Animated show of fat bunnies, centering around Ruby, the bossy big sister, who is very girly, and her little brother, Max, who is naughty. Guess who we like best?

Maggie and the Ferocious Beast: A girl, Maggie, and her friends, Hamilton Hog and The Ferocious Beast, live in Nowhere Land and do interesting things. Hamilton likes to cook. Maggie is curious and levelheaded. The Beast has spots. Likeable.

Little Bill: Animated. (like that's a shock) Created by Bill Cosby. Story of Little Bill and his family, who live in a brownstone in a big city (probably NYC). I like Little Bill. My kids couldn't care less. Diverse characters, interesting animation. Not cloying. I can watch this on my own. Why the hell don't my kids like this show? I suspect a plot to slowly drive me crazy, that would be foiled if we watched Little Bill instead of Dora.

The Wiggles: On Disney Channel. Sorry, Teri, I think this show is horrible. Not necessarily horrible for kids, just horrible for adults in the same room. At least if the adults in the same room are me. Little is interesting, just loud with bad songs and irritating characters. Basically, the only good thing is that the 4 Wiggles have Aussie accents. Grown-ups dressed in costumes in a frantic land; sort of a cross between H. R. Pufnstuf and Pee-wee's Playhouse, without the drug references of the former, or the over-the-top imagination of the latter. "Spooy" but not in the good sense of the word. (*snicker.* Sorry, I couldn't resist. Don't hate me.)

Rolie Polie Olie: Also Disney. This, I love. A mechanized, happy world of round robot people and their living household appliances, furniture, and celestial bodies. Little 'bot, Olie, and his family live next door to his square-shaped best friend, Billy, and his square-shaped, slightly beatnik family. Animation like Robots, which was also created by William Joyce, who wrote several great kids' books.

So there we have it. My personal rundown of some kids' shows. What's that you say? No purple dinosaur? What purple dinosaur? I know not of which you speak. No purple dinosaur shows in MY universe. Now, don't say I never did you any favors or that this blog is lacking in nutritional value. Hey, even Cap'n Crunch has something like 9 essential vitamins and minerals, right? Makes a complete breakfast when accompanied by milk, juice, eggs, 3 bran muffins, and a super-multi-vitamin pill.