Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Haikus For Mandatory Meetings

Like the aligning
Of meddling planets or crash
Of biorhythms.

I find myself faced
With five hours of meetings,
In a solid block.

The first, I confess,
I do not rue; it is all
Women providers.

We will talk and laugh
And solve the Network's problems,
And, this time, drink wine.

The last 3 hours,
Well, that's the rub, as they say.
"Leadership Training".

Hours in a room,
sitting slack-jawed with my peers,
Listening to this.

And, you can't sneak out.
My boss is at the back, eagle-eyed,
Perching, by the door.

Dinner will be served.
As it's in a hospital,
You can guess the fare.

Adding to my grief,
In my eye, I have a stye.
Blink. Ow. Blink. Ow. Blink.

I think my eye is
Showing solidarity
With my sorry ass.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

yikes! five hours! my sympathies.

in one of my jobs, we had staff meetings once a week. the only thing good about them was the free food. that made it tolerable. but we never got wine! lucky you!

too bad all meetings can't be wine soaked, huh?

9:35 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

I clicked on your biorythms link and discovered that I'm at a low point in all areas of my life. Which, given the splitting headache I have and the utter exhaustion this morning, I whole-heartedly agree with.

And, if it makes you feel any better, this is what happened to me at 2am:

(squeaker wakes up)
S: Me pants are wet!
Me: grrrghg, glomph, gluh? Okay, let's change you
S: yeah
(Me, peeling urine-soaked pants off the kid and taking her utterly inadequate pull-up off and getting sprayed with pee because the damn thing is so wet.)
Me: Eeeeeeewwwww
S: What?
Me: I just got splashed with pee.

And the worst part - it hit me on the eyelid and the cheek.

9:56 AM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

That is a darn funny haiku.

Where on earth do they find these freakish speakers for you to listen to? I guarantee you aren't going to learn anything from that guy.

My sympathies about the stye. Painful and not pretty. Hope it heals soon.

3:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa P said...

Excellent Haiku-isms.
Hah, Hah! Regarding the 3 hr seminar... So Sorry.

3:32 PM  
Blogger moegirl said...

Oh dear! you have my sympathies. Your speaker looks smarm-o-rific. I have a feeling he's going to use a lot of speaker jargon words, like "synergy"

Hang in there...

3:32 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Amy- I've never gone to one with wine, either. I'm bringing a bottle of our hometown winery's rhubarb wine. Too bad it's not the second meeting that will be wined. That's the one where it'll be needed.

Teri- Oh. I feel your pain. Yes I do. And your woe. And it surely tops my half-hearted attempt to snivel. Good thing urine is sterile? And that it wasn't poop? That's as far as I can take the Polyannaism. On a tangent: I remember charting my biorhythms for several months in, say, 6th grade. This was back in the late 70's, when it was hip.

Rozanne- You're so nice to me. I thought it was a darn dreadful one, but that's the point of my dreadful poetry. Don't you love his mug? How dorky? Cheesy? I'm having trouble coming up with the right adjective. Heaven help me. Sadly, I can't get all happy on wine. T'would look bad. Pity. I have no idea where they come from. The first one, back in November, 'Dr Rick', was the worst, though. The one 2 weeks ago was actually not bad. Fortunately, this is the last of these, at least for a while.

3:41 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Lisa- Here's where you taunt me for moving out here.

Stace- Smarmy! THAT'S the word I was searching for. I should keep a list of all the jargony things he says tonight. Will help pass the time.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Karen said...


Delightful as always. :)

I've been there... bored outta my skull. I bring a notepad and doodle throughout. If anyone questions me, I say that it calms my restless body and helps me to concentrate on content of the meeting.

It sounds good anyway.... ;)


4:10 PM  
Anonymous christie said...

A - you are freaking HYSTERICAL

B - suddenly my jobs sounds so much better....(I didn't think people ever actually paid those freaks to come speak...)

10:16 PM  
Anonymous Kate W. said...

Just so you know, I have an ALL DAY,OFF-SITE Torture Fest myself on Thursday. Because of you, I am now praying for a stye or really anything...
I picture myself in line for the busses to take all of us to the TF screaming "I'll be good! I'll be good! Don't make me goooo!!!" sigh...

9:15 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Karen- If my boss weren't sitting behind in a small, well-lighted room, I'd be tempted to do a bit of playing with the solitaire game on the PDA or perhaps a game of 'hangman' with the poor soul seated next to me.

Christie- A) Thankie sai, B) I KNOW!!! and the prices they garner! I was flabbergasted.

Kate- On Thursday, when I am a-mopping my floors and beating back the household grime, I will be thinking of you, quite often, and feeling terribly lucky to have just slopped mop water all over my person, because it is much preferable to attending your TF 2006. Shall I send you a nice bit of pinkeye? Contageous but generally not too miserable.

10:18 AM  
Blogger brooksba said...

First off - GREAT Haikus. You just make me smile.

Secondly, sorry for the long day. Even if the meeting is enjoyable, a meeting can make any day long. And the company springs for the free food just to keep you there. It's like a consolation prize.

3:23 PM  
Anonymous Kate W. said...

Thanks for the offer, but I faked pink eye for last months division meeting (mini torture fest)...
The girls really had pink eye so I wasn't really lying!!!

8:32 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Beth- Thanks. As I keep telling myself, at least this is not a common occurrance. They did have key lime pie for dessert. Almost made it worthwhile.

Kate- Darn. Can't use that too often.

8:26 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

You could use my cyst as an excuse. I am trying not to be too worried because it hasn't gone away yet and is just sort of sitting there. I don't really want to go to an eye doctor. I wish it was a stye, at least I know those go away.

Love your haikus. You are so creative. And no. That is not sarcasm.

1:29 PM  

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