Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Oh, what HAVE I been doing with my time?

There are times when it can be said best with a Limerick. My condolences.

There once was a lass named Diana
Whose garage looked like a slum in Havana
With piles of crap, much!
And dead bugs and such
And slimy, black skins of banana.

Poor, sad piano from my childhood. We need to get it moved into the basement. It weighs hundreds and hundreds of pounds. Yes, we could hire a few guys to come out and do it, but that would require me to make a phone call and write a check.

And so at the start of her vacation,
She felt it was her destination
To clean all the crud
And evict all the bugs,
The mouse turds, and large spider nation

And see, we have here a garage clean
Just look at that shine and that sheen!
The cars are not scared
To be left in its care
A room that is fit for a queen?

The water is from me hosing the concrete down, getting rid of the dog whiz. Did I mention that Molly-pup is a submissive pee-er? Yes? More than once? She's 8 months old and still doing it. Bleh. We're still hoping she'll outgrow it. We may well be hoping that for the next 15 years, at which point, we'll attribute it to canine senility. Always good to have a back-up story.

Yes, the piano is still there. The windows are now clean-ish, though, and no longer the world's largest dead bug cemetery. Ew. Triple Ew with a heaping helping of ugh. No wonder I felt the need to come up with the 'Clean Garage' as a reward.

Well, no it smells not like carnations
It's only a garage, for tarnation!
But that is not all
Our lass had one more call
And invented a brand new libation!

I call it 'Clean Garage' but would welcome a better name for it. It is very cold, fizzy, refreshing, slightly sweet and makes you smile:

Clean Garage
Take a large, slender glass and fill it 1/2 full with ice cubes.
Add a shot or so of good quality gin (it's no fun if you hurt the next morning from bad gin).
Add some apple-passion-mango juice (Old Orchard brand makes one, here in the States) to the level of the ice.
Fill the rest of the glass with tonic water and stir.
A mint sprig would probably make a lovely garnish but I've not had the oomph to trot the distance to the herb garden (a whopping 30' from the kitchen) as I was beat.

So, anybody come up with a better title?
I've never invented a drink before.
Clearly time off agrees with me.

Next? Strip and paint the porch, of course!




Blogger Mother of Invention said...

"Slow Gin Sweep"!!
"Down 'n Dirty"! ("I'd like to down a Down 'n Dirty, please!")

There was once a garage at The Lowe's
Which was messy as everyone knows
When we should really heave it
We decided to leave it
And so we are left with our woes!

9:04 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

MoI- Brilliant! On all counts. Slow Gin Sweep describes it all. It was a sultry day. Funny, we have a chain of home improvement stores, you know, the type that sells you the stuff that invariably ends up in your garage? It's called "Lowe's".

(I'm assuming Lowe is your surname?)

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your libation sounds sort of like a Mint Julip--recipe upon request, but ice, mint and bourbon are the main ingredients.

Best wishes on keeping the garage pristine, and I hope you move that piano before my next visit.

Also, Piffle-heads, the chief Piffle and her spouse will be observing their 18th wedding anniversary, but how do I know? I'm only her Da. And my card will probably be late, as was her sister's birthday card. I am so hopeless.

Love to you all, the Ole RF-er

12:39 PM  
Blogger karmic_jay said...

Loved the limerick and MOI..liveth up to her name. :)

slo gin sweep in a garage that weeps..

I never make sense.. :)

1:15 PM  
Blogger amy said...

okay, I'll try this again. my first attempt at a comment got eaten. hopefully my comment doesn't show up twice!

anyhoots, what I wanted to say was, hope you had a good 4th.

and I LdMAO at your limericks.

1:23 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Dad- Actually, it's a bit like a gin-and-tonic with hints of tropical fruit. You taught me how to make juleps a few years ago when you visited us in IL. Nothing with the "wham" of a julep, which is mint-infused burbon on ice.

Jay- Welcome! I'm delighted that you stopped by. Oooooh! 'Slo Gin Sweep in a Garage that Weeps'. I love names that make you think of talking in code.

Amy- Well, it was just nice and quiet, thanks for asking! Went to the little local zoo with the kids in the morning and watched fireworks in the distance from the deck. We are so dull. You?

5:05 PM  
Blogger brooksba said...

I do like "Slow Gin Sweep" as a tite. That's pretty good.

Fun limericks! I'm glad you have a nice, clean garage!

5:33 PM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

Your garage looks to be bigger (not to mention cleaner) than our house! Loved the limerick--so, so clever. How did you find the energy after all that cleaning?

Plus, I just know that is was probably horribly hot and humid while you cleaned. Ugh.

I love that you invented a celebratory drink.

I wonder if promising to invent myself a new drink would entice me to clean my garage? Probably not.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Yes, Lowe is the name. My husband has been called, "Slow Lowe" because he is perpetually late! He is in what's called, "Lowe Standard Time"! My family told him our wedding was at 3:00 instead of 4:00 just to be sure he was there! HA!

Thanks for appreciating my limerick and baptismal drink name! If you saw our single garage, you'd know what I mean! You should see our basement and attic!!! Yikes! It is an interesting old house though!

8:23 PM  
Blogger moegirl said...

Bowing again to Her Royal Highness Poetry Queen Diana- loved the rhymes.

The cleaning of your garage and drink mixology is most impressive! I do agree with Slow Gin Sweep for a drink name, that's pretty good.

Don't you enjoy the feeling of lightness after you clean something like that? I need to do our fridge again, definitely getting weird science in there.

8:33 PM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

"in it's care" - eh eh! EH EH EH! HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Diana said "it's care"!!! EHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

You must be knackered! But it looks gorgeous now, it truly does. Except for the poor piano. In the garage. The piano is in the garage, did you know? It must have been an oversight. How can Charles serenade you bfr going to sleep at what was it, 5 pm? And speaking of which, another anniversary! How exciting! You have these every year, they must be special!

18 happy years of yours make me happy, dahlings. Happy anniversary, big Portie smooches!

7:12 AM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

[Every time one of you cleans a garage, rearranges the furniture or organises a closet without me I feel betrayed. I DO.]

7:15 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Beth- It's official: Slow Gin Sweep, it is!

Rozanne- It's a newer house, built by a guy who had a boat, so it is a 'generous' garage. Nice and roomy for the mice and all.

MoI- I absolutely love old houses, I just wuss out and prefer to live in newer ones. Less reparing. Me lazy. We are fortunate in that we have neither an attic, nor a basement in the traditional sense, or the crap that we'd have would be staggering. Technically, the basement is the bottom floor of the house, you walk into the top floor as it's set in a hill. Nice and cool down in the bottom level.

Stacy- Absolutely. 20 lbs lighter. Which is only fitting as we removed hundreds of pounds in garbage and bug bodies, alone.

Lioness- Gah! Horrors! Corrected! My only excuse is that I did this post as we were waiting for the fireworks to start and both small ones were dashing about and asking where the fireworks were and when they were going to start every 2.3 seconds. Slightly distracting. 'Betrayed'? No, Dahling, we are simply channeling you. (A piano? In the garage? Really? Where?)

8:19 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

I'm late to the party! Oh horrors! I read this post last night with a small one climbing all over me, and I couldn't type...

Congrats on the anniversary!

8:46 AM  
Blogger listmaker said...

Let's see....I have the gin and the tonic, now I just need the fruity juice to make myself a "Slow Gin Sweep"...yummy. Maybe if I down a few of those I'll be motivated to clean my garage, too. Oh, wait - I'm supposed to clean the garage first????

9:31 AM  
Blogger listmaker said...

I got so excited about the new drink I forgot to tell you "Happy Anniversary."

9:33 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Ooh! Happy anniversary!

I like Slow Gin Sweep as well. And am pleased that your garage is now fit for me.

Poor piano. In the garage.

And you are a poety genius. Just so you know.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Teri- I swear 1/2 of waht I type is with Sara on my lap. You can't say no but it does hinder the typing, doesn't it?

Listie- Nope. This should be delightful after a hard day's moving in. (Don't tell. We moved in over 2 years ago and hadn't even cleaned out the garage prior to moving in. Our bugs, their bugs...)

Dana- I love the new picture, tootsie! Yes, fit for you to wander through, on your way into the kitchen. Poor piano. Why must it be made of really heavy stuff and not, say, plywood and styrofoam?

2:49 PM  
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11:36 AM  
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