Friday, September 22, 2006



I'm back!

Miss me?

(Remember me?)

My Mum and step-dad came out for a lovely week of visiting, eating, scowling at the grounds, more eating, shopping, deciding to not do a damn thing about the grounds for now except hack back the large viburnum under the window next spring, eating more, going to the apple orchard, and so on. My wonderful parents also took on several home improvement projects that I'd wanted to get to but honestly weren't going to happen until both small-handed ones were in school full time and I had absolutely nothing else claiming my time. As a result, all the bathrooms have decent light fixtures in place if the impossibly tacky, cheap-assed shit that the previous owner put up. And nice new towel bars and such. And, as an added supreme bonus, they pulled up the grate in the drive and dug out all the silt that had clogged the drainage area. No more ice rink encompassing the driveway next winter! No possible flooding of the garage if the rains dump too much and rise above the lip to to the garage.

I did get to catch up on reading blogs Tuesday (the one day I worked), while lunching, but that was all that was to be. I had plans to post, people. The plans, though, they were just not to be.

In short, I suck.

I suck and I have nothing to say.

So, with that, I leave you with a meme from our lovely Ruth, the Mother of Invention. (note the parental theme, here, connecting the above with the below? My lit teachers would weep with pride.)

Three Things Meme:

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:

- Marvelous Charles. Most think I fell for him because of his hotness. Nope. It was his sense of humor. Really. Funny and hot. Who could resist?

- My friends (in the computer and out).

- All things Monty Python.

Three Things I Can Do:

-Listen really well.

- Put people who are terrified or in pain at ease.

- Raise one eyebrow and then the other in rapid succession.

Three Things I Can't Do:

-Avoid making snide comments during meetings. If there's no one to share them with, I make them to myself.

- Pretend to like someone I despise. Fortunately there are very few of these people I've met.

- Take a hypocrite seriously.

Three Things I'm Doing Right Now:

-Finishing breakfast.

-Watching through the study window for Colin to get on the bus.

-Stewing in my own filth. I've not had my shower and my hair could provide enough crude to power all 3 of our cars, even the shameful SUV.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

- Get the best of the damned squash bugs and watch them writhe before my mighty gardener feet. Or at least not weep in frustration each summer as I survey their devastation.

- Go to Europe and see and eat and drink lots of European things. (Yes, 'Europe' is a large and varied continent. I realize this. It would take the better part of a year, I imagine. You asked.)

- Never run a marathon. So far, I'm well on my way to achieving this one.

Three Things I Hate The Most:

-Mean people

-Sanctimonious people


Three Things That Scare Me:

-Something horrible happening to my kids.

-Something horrible happening to Charles.

- Creepy, crawly, flying bugs.

Three Things That Stress Me Terribly:

- Giving a speech.

-Suddenly finding myself being late. (Given this, you'd think I would not be late as often as I am.)

- Large social gatherings.

Three Things I Don't Understand:

- Extremely low-wasted pants.

- High heels.

- The fame of Paris Hilton.

Three Skills I'd Like To Learn:

- To crack an egg with one hand.

- Pottery.

- How to look 'put together' for more than 5 minutes. I'm a bleeding mess most of the time.

Three Ways To Describe My Personality:

- Full of self-doubt, recrimination, and insecurity.

- Terribly soft-hearted and wanting the world to love me.

- Extremely lazy, yet wanting things perfect. I'm a perfect mess, I tell you.

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:

- Your dreams. Seriously. Life is too short to not do what you are called to do.

- Your stomach.

- All sides of the issue.

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:

- People who always put you down

- People who never tell you things that might upset you.

- The musical stylings of Air Supply. There were many good things to come out of the 80s. This is one of the worst, however.

Three Favorite Foods:

- Chocolate. Of course.

- Seafood. All seafood. As long as it's fresh. (So why the hell am I living 1000 miles from the nearest coast?)

- Fresh bread.

Three Beverages I Drink Regularly:

- Water. Finally, I can honestly put that. (You see, I don't care for water, no matter how good it is for me. Mind over taste buds, you see.)

- Coffee. The good, freshly ground stuff. (Sadly, it's now decaf, but with age comes bowel intolerance.)

- Wine. Usually red. Especially a good, but not expensive pinot noir. (And for the record, I loved pinot before it got all snotty and expensive, and then switched to merlot, which then got all snotty and expensive, and then switched to shiraz, which followed suit. So now I'm back to poor, 15-minutes-of-fame-used-up pinot noir.)

Three Shows I watched As A Kid:

- Looney Tunes cartoons.

- Superfriends.


(Can you tell that the only time we got to watch lots and lots of TV was Saturday morning, when we could turn on the TV from the time the test-pattern ended at 6:00 am until our folks got up at 10:00 am. It was our bribe for letting them sleep in their one day a week. We also got to have Pop-Tarts for breakfast. Unfrosted, but still: synthetic, nutritionally devoid Pop-Tarts.)

Three People I'd Tag:


-And You,

- And, of course, YOU!



Blogger Cagey said...

I'm with you on the 3 things that scare me - I think having a baby made me even more scared of losing my husband. I am generally okay with the Creepy and the Crawly, but am TERRIFIED of the Flying. It freaks me OUT.

And the things you drink? Me!Too! Water and Coffee - all over that, baby! And the wine? Me!Too! I've always loved a good Pinot Noir from Oregon (Willamette Valley, if you must ask :-) After the movie Sideways became a hit, there was a lot of talk about whether it make it more difficult to find a reasonably priced Pinot Noir from Oregon anymore. I think the prices did go up, but you can still find a good one at a good price.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Hey, thanks for doing this, Diana! These are all great...imaginative and unique. I can't believe the 3 things you say that describe your personality, though...they are surprising.
I'm with ya on chocolate! You are old enough to rememeber the test pattern? That "Indian" guy on the dartboard thing?

Nice that your parents came and got all that updating stuff done for you! Always a bonus!

1:12 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Cagey- Willamette Valley. An excellent choice. In my cheap opinion, the Oregon (and other) pinots had become unreasonable priced several years before Sideways came out, say by the early 90s. You can get some pretty good ones for around the $10-12 dollar mark, again (my price for a drinkable bottle of wine).

Ruth- Tcha! Of course I remember test patterns. And the high-pitched squeal that went with them. I was a child of the '70s. I also remember my grandma scooting us out of the kitchen when she'd fire up the new-fangled microwave. Didn't want to irradiate us, you know. And those terrible 8-track tapes that would end mid-song and you'd have to pull them out and turn them over to hear the rest.

2:27 PM  
Blogger brooksba said...

I like, I like, I like! Snide comments are sometimes the best part of meetings. I also want to never run a marathon before I die.

I do, however; understand high heels. See, for the perpetually short who tries to find pants that fit the waist, you will either spend much time hemming them or you'll wear heels so that your pants are not dragging on the ground.

You also have a ton of good advice in here. I like suggesting that everyone listens to both sides of the issue. Very important for effective communication.

3:31 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

Why, verily thou hast returned! As if thou were a sprite of the forest who must cometh when summoned!

(oh, enough of the pseudo-shakespearian language, anyway. It's hard to maintain.)

Strangely, I DO want to run a marathon. It's totally out of reach however. I've always yearned for what I cannot have.

7:26 PM  
Anonymous christie said...

Oh my aching heart! What's with the Air Supply bashing? Who doesn't want to be trapped in an elevator with 15 strangers while humming "I'm all out of loooOOOOove, I'm soooo lost withouuuuut you, I know you were right, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" along to the musack in the background. Come on, on some level, you like 'em, on some cheesie sappy level, you gotta, you just gotta!!!

9:52 PM  
Blogger moegirl said...

I love your lists. I think I will do it too.

How nice your Mom and Morris helped out around your place during their visit.

Yes, the music of Air Supply- so sappy!

10:04 PM  
Blogger Babs said...

To crack an egg with one hand

You DO realize that some people will think you're some sort of weird Aztec god when you know how to do this, right?? It happens to me whenever I cook in front of a two-handed cracker. I've been skilled at the one-hander (rephrase-REPHRASE!!) since I was a kid and I clearly remember yelling at the TV when someone on Little House on the Prairie couldn't manage it. Was probably Nellie. Not that I WATCHED Little House or anything. Ahem.

Also--completely with you on the worldwise banishment of Air Supply---can we add Barry fucking Manilow to the list, too??

Pretty please??

4:24 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Beth- I will give you the high heels, but as I am deficient in leg (and arm) length, I will still hem rather than stilt. Having met you and your dark sense of humor, I think (should we ever be trapped in a meeting together), we should be careful to sit way in the back, lest our snarking get us in deep, deep shit.

Teri- Verily, I hath returned to the community players. Well, you just rock on that marathon thing. I'll be cheering from a lawn chair by the finish line.

Christie- Oh honey! Being trapped in an elevator with 15 other people and Muzak Air Supply would be the only use for such dreck. All of us trying to out-slaughter the lyrics before the fire dept rescued us would be better than playing 20 Questions while Chad wigged out and tried to eat that nice woman's purse.

(Wellllllll I'm lost in loooooove and I don't know muuuuuuch, blah blah blah blah blahblahblahblahblah blah blah.)

Stace- Oh, please! Put the Stacy take on such things!

Babs- See? I always knew you were divine. An Aztec god? I'll buy that. (I'm guessing the Old Man taught you from the time you could toddle.) I would have watched Little House, but it was on a week night from 8-9 pm and that put it squarely in the 'past your bedtime' category. I did catch a few reruns, though, over the years. Yes. Barry Manilow is an honorary Air Supply member. (Of course I'd never admit to having 1 or 5 of his albums as a kid. Ahem.)


Get that out of your head, now.

8:48 AM  
Blogger Babs said...

Ha!! I don't know that one!! And I saw Little House in re-runs at 5 in the afternoon. I was forbidden from watching it at night, too. I think.

Also--though I am by no means ambidextrous NORMALLY, I can crack with the left hand, too. SOLO, BABY!!LOL

*assumes muscleman stance and trips over beach towel accidentally*

Ugh. How embarrassing pour moi.

7:17 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

Evil. Just Evil. I was puttering around yesterday, happily hummung away, when a thouhgt flitted across my otherwise-occupied brain. "Just what is it I'm hummung, anyway?'


Almost as quickly as I realized what it was, the words of the chorus start looping in my head:

"I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you, how can it be wrong, believing for so long..."

Evil, I tell you.

9:07 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

humming. that word is humming. sheesh. and I typoed it the same way TWICE. I think the evilness of the song has affected my typing ability.

9:09 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Babs!- Really? You don't know 'Daybreak'? I'm dismayed. Ok. Let's try:


Teri- Really. Babs made me do it. I swear. On some level, she willed it. Or Ruth. Yes. She must be to blame. She tagged me.

Crap. Now it's in my head. Hummung away.

5:25 PM  
Blogger Babs said...


6:08 PM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Hey, I kind of like Barry Manilow. Kind of. But I will admit to that only under torture...or, um, in your comments apparently. And c'mon, you have to admit that Mandy is so much better than anything done by Air Supply.


Why, yes, I am giggling evilly (evily?). Why do you ask?

I have missed you horribly! And realized why when I read that you never want to run a marathon - I am so with you there. And lumped peas with mean and sanctimonious peaple. I mean people. Sorry.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

You mutating drip of lumpy Wookiee hair!
slaps you with my own gauntle

got your e-mail - I'll coerce C to stop out your way on the way home or something - I'll e-mail as soon as I have an idea of what's up.

9:03 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

Where'd the "t" go?

9:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Visiting with your mum is definitely worth the absence from Piffleland. Just to make up for things, Cathy and I visited Sister Gail and husband James in San Francisco this weekend where Cathy competed in a dragon-boat competition. I think they took 3rd in their division. Just following a few dreams. With a bad shoulder, I am the group "groupie".

The Ole RF-er

10:26 PM  
Blogger listmaker said...

Geez, now I have Air Supply and Barry Manilow endlessly looping in my head. Must go listen to something, anything, to rid myself of them.....

7:02 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Dana- Evil, evil woman! You know, I'm not sure which is worse: Mandy or anything from the Air Supply catalogue. Oh! Here's a horror: Manilow sings Air Supply. Put that in your brain and torture it.

Teri- Sounds great! I'll be haunting my e-mail again.

Dad- Glad your trip to SF was good. Can't wait to see you 2 in 2 months!

Listie- I'm beginning to think this blog needs a health disclaimer in the heading. (The music at work is playing Chain of Fools by Aretha Franklin. I'm restored.)

8:27 AM  

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