Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Deck The Son With Boughs of Gooey

See, we really do get into the Christmas swing of things here, come December. Currently, Colin is in the lead with his own personal Left Eye of Christmas: The white portion being glazed over with a patina of deep red accompanied by plenty of glisteny green goo piling in the corners and festooning the lashes.

I tried to drape tinsel across his brow and hang mistletoe from his ears but he vetoed that, bolting to his room and barring the door. I considered getting a picture of the seasonal boy this morning but as I left at 0'dark-hundred, he was still asleep with a blanket wrapped all around his head. Being a compassionate and thoughtful mother, I decided, after much deliberation, not to waken him to the twin assault of my fingers prying his eye open to the flash of the camera.

He can now never say that I don't love him or put his needs first.

So, what to do to top this? The Rudolph schnozz with the green nose snot has been so over done; the human equivalent of fruitcake. I could use flaky skin as snow with a few snowman shaped boils (courtesy of the multitude of staph patients I get to see) clustered tastefully across my arms. My hands are certainly cold enough to provide the illusion of being made of ice, to further enhance the theme.

Pestilence as body art, for those who've tired of tattoos and piercings.

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21 Comments:

Blogger Cagey said...

Um, this post did not get me into the Christmas Spirit. Not one bit.

Poor Colin!

4:41 PM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Oh, ew. Poor Colin indeed. Makes me want to stay inside and far away from all of the sick people wandering around here at work. Back, sick people! Back! I have no more vacation time!

5:31 PM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

OMG. Have an infectious Christmas.

What does Colin have? Pink eye? Not fun. And not pretty.

8:48 PM  
Blogger Jocelyn said...

Really? You couldn't wake him for us?

I'm starting to think your priorities are off, honey.

I wanted to see the goo. He could sleep later.

2:42 AM  
Blogger Lioness said...

Bloody sinusitis, all all thingies and parrot-stuffed still, took me forever to understand this post.

Pestilence, again? It was due, right? After all, it had ben how long already? Poor lamb. Poor lamb's mum. Eh.

If it's flakey skin you need how abt i save my excess of and ship it over? Auntie Johnny helping the gentiles and all that, skin-recycling, very modern. yes?

Maybe I should wait till I'm better to read the rest and comment. i have an inkling I'll re-.read this and be horrified. Meh.

5:37 AM  
Blogger Lauren said...

So not in the Christmas spirit. Even though I could still spy the pretty Christmas bulbs just a wee bit lower on my screen.

8:32 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Hmmm, sounds like what's going on in this house, too. Except with the cat.

Thank you fo rnot sharing the goo. I feel much more Christmas-y for it.

8:49 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Cagey- No? The decked out boy didn't get your jingle on? Grinch.

Dana- Damn. No more sick days. Hope you have your haz-mat suit back from the cleaners.

Rozanne- Yup. Pink eye. He's looked better. I'm taking to substituting the lyrics of carols to suit the season of disease.

Jocelyn- I know, I know. I really need to work on that part of my personality. We all have flaws. Plus, being home all day, he could have had a nice nap, later.

Johnny- Oh!! Yes!! And we could fashion it into a snow fort!! The gift of Hanukkah. And so very environmental to recycle. (Damn parrot. You're funny when you're ill.)

Lauren- That's no good. Any snow yet? That usually helps me, especially with all the pretty-pretty lights. Throw in a belly full of cookies and I'm so much better.

8:56 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Jen- Getting sick when you're pregnant is just so very wrong, isn't it? You don't get to take the good drugs and can't even put a slug of something in your tea.

8:58 AM  
Blogger listie said...

Your house sounds oh so festive. Poor Colin! Eye goop is just so nasty. And the itching - oh the itching of pink eye - makes me shudder just thinking about it.

10:49 AM  
Blogger The Rotten Correspondent said...

Well, it may not have been what most people think of when they think of the Christmas season, but it sure as hell is accurate.'Tis the season and all that other crap.

Speaking of which, do you not have any animals who could eat some tinsel and then when it comes back out recreate your own manger scene?

I saw that in the latest Martha Stewart Living.

11:25 AM  
Blogger Dumdad said...

Pestilence as body art? Way to go!

2:05 PM  
Blogger PixelPi said...

Well, that pretty much squashed my Christmas spirit. I'm so happy you decided to let his eyes stay closed and camera-free or I might not eat for days.

Let's hope he doesn't share his green goo by touching every doorknob in the house after rubbing his eyes.

8:54 PM  
Anonymous Christie said...

The plague, the plague, you've got the plague!!! That stuff scares the dickens out of me (well, not that stuff specifically, but the implications of that stuff...) and only YOU could make pink, err, red eye so, umm, festive!

Now, if only a reindeer would poop on your porch, you'd be all set!

9:46 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Listie- We do try to bring a bit of the personal to our decorations.

Julie- We are fortunate that at this point neither pet is into eating non-food. About 10 years ago our first dog, Maia, ate a whole bowl of foil wrapped chocolates. She turned out fine but pooped festively for a couple of days.

Dumdad- Trend setting the Wisconsin way.

PixelPi- Aw, what's a little oozy goo between friends? There's a refill on his eye meds in case someone else succumbs...

Christie- I'm thinking that I should just give in and wear gloves at home as well as at work.

7:54 AM  
Blogger Coffee-Drinking Woman said...

Just in time for Sinterklaas!

The boy has timing!

5:18 PM  
Blogger Babs said...

Surely pink-eye is more appropriate for Valentine's Day, what with all the pink-n-red 'n stuff?? Tell that boy to get on the ball!!

2:12 PM  
Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Oh, to be a kid again..and at your house! It sounds like so much fun there! I need a kick-start to get me going so maybe I should rent some kids!

6:18 PM  
Blogger Wanderlust Scarlett said...

You never cease to make me laugh, make me think, and make me glad I came by.

Great post!

Merry Christmas!

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

6:34 PM  
Blogger Wanderlust Scarlett said...

You never cease to make me laugh, make me think, and make me glad I came by.

Great post!

Merry Christmas!

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

6:34 PM  
Blogger Sanjay said...

Pestilence as body art!!! That just made me laugh, thank you! Merry Christmas and hope you are well!

8:33 AM  

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