Sunday, April 13, 2008

Haikus For Sneaky Girls

Sara's sick again.
Again; third time in a month,
nineteenth time this year.

(OK, maybe I
exaggerate. A bit. Just
seems like forever.)

And while we hate it
that she feels so bad: achy,
snotty, sniffly, wan.

It's the fevers high
That suck our souls dry, and leave
us ashen with dread.

See, the thing our kids
do well; really, really well
is run HIGH fevers.

105 is par
for their little viral course;
eggs fry on their brains.

Colin set the way
of violently refusing
all good medicine.

He'd vomit as soon
as any flavor or form
of med reached his mouth.

Luckily, by five,
he learned to swallow his pills
and it's been fine since.

Sara can't bear to
be less of a stress to us,
so she vomits, too.

We threaten, cajole
and yell, but still the fevers
rise and terrify.

But this time, it was
different, she took it well
and smiled all the time.

"Finally!", we cried
She realizes that it
makes her feel better.

Ah, what saps we are.
For in the bathroom trash are
all her fever pills.

They don't work so well
if they're not in her system.
Sneakiness and lies.

Tough to punish her,
Flushed and ill, sobbing still, she's
sad at being caught.

But still, it must be
done. No more Samurai Jack
or Open Season.

And, Hey! What's this? A
find! While cleaning out cupboards,
something for next time!!

There is another route,
you see. I found Tylenol

Don't mess with Dr Mom.

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Blogger Teresa said...

Hey Dr. Mom,
That last stanza is a winner and sure to open the ill wee one's clenched jaws when the fever pills are needed! Clever thinking!

3:25 PM  
Blogger Coffee-Drinking Woman said...


Oh mercy.

i shouldn't laugh.

But who but you would realize that suppositories is five syllables and make a haiku out of it?

10:54 PM  
Blogger Lioness said...

Oh you cannot be serious, NOT AGAIN! Oh bloody hell, do you live in the world's most viralised place?? I still remember suppositories from when I was a child, not a fond memory, wish I could have been given the option of swallowing something. Alas, no. Oh the stubborn little thing!

I hope she gets better soon, this is dreadful. AGAIN.

4:20 AM  
Blogger Dumdad said...

In illness and in
Health, kids make us worried sick
Because we love them!

5:34 AM  
Blogger Mother of Invention said...

You are devious! Poor Sarah! My mom had to crush aspirin on a teaspoon with sugar and jam!! (before diabetic days!)

Great verse
Venting the curse!

8:40 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

poor little ones and poor dr. mom!

10:47 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

I've said this before and I will say it again:
Pediatrics and Veterinary Medicine? Not that far off, actually. Any vet'll tell you what won't come down one way goes up just as well the other.

And I am ever grateful that kids don't have anal sacs that need regular 'expressing'.

2:47 PM  
Anonymous Ariella said...

Boooooy, I thought she would have learned after last time, wrt the "hiding stuff in the garbage" thing. Ooops!

Heh. Suppositories. Sounds like a blast at your house lately.

3:00 PM  
Blogger Jocelyn said...

You really do have just this small window of time, before they get big enough to really fight back, where you can imprint on them who's boss. What better way?

I always like your thinking.

5:23 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Teresa- Can't say she doesn't deserve it after that little stunt.

Teri- Yes, yes you should laugh. Please laugh. Sara's not and someone should.

Johnny- Oh, yes. Yes, indeed. And now she's given it to me and I can't talk (and such fun it is to yell into the dictation recorder at a whisper).

Dumdad- Little blighters. It would be so much easier if we didn't love them, wouldn't it? (Good haiku!)

Ruth- Damn kid won't take it with anything. Not sugar. Not in pop. Not for any bribe.

Christina- I'd feel more sorry for her if she weren't so stubborn and unreasonable. Go figure. An unreasonable 5 year old guess that's redundant.

Amy- peds, pets and geriatrics. So true, so very true. (Ew. Anal sacks. Guess there's always a way to make any situation worse.)

Ariella- Oh, yes. You'd have thought after the infamous hotdogs in the trash incident that we'd have no more of that, but maybe she thought that the bathroom trash would be a better hiding place?

5:23 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Jocelyn- They only get big and strong if you feed them plenty of healthy food. I'm toying with the idea of a whole-Hostess-product diet in hopes of keeping the upper hand longer. Or perhaps this will backfire and the preservatives that give them a 100 year shelf life will turn them into mutant superbeings. Which would not be good. So maybe I'll just stay the course with what I've got and terrorize them while I've got the chance.

5:33 PM  
Blogger Lioness said...

You're aphonic AGAIN?? Blimey. Poor, poor you person. That is just... am speechless.

Amy, I actually enjoy expressing anal glands. Instant satisfaction!

6:50 PM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

Holy crap! Tylenol suppositories? You're resorting to the big guns, I see.

A very unfavorite fever reducer my mom once tried? Filling the bathtub with cold water and ice cubes. Have you ever tried that or is that not considered a "best practice." It seems like it would be a huge shock to the system.

12:09 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Johnny- Dahling, yes, no voice. 'Twill be such a fun time in clinic. And you are a strange woman, as you know.

Rozanne- Yeah, that works. I've been near doing that but my soul shudders at it. We used to do that sometimes in the ICU for extreme fevers--pack the poor patient in ice. At least we could give them good drugs while doing it.

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can see that the barfing duo has bred true from their mum. After 25 years of teaching I am immune to every known virus and germ and the odd gamma ray. I spent many a day in front of the class with coffee in hand and an ache in my body, but did refuse to give up a good retirement salary for just a bit of discomfort. But I did lose over 200 days of sick time for my efforts.

The Ole RF-er

12:44 PM  
Blogger listie said...

Poor Dr Mom! Poor Sara!

I hope all is well soon and you don't have to resort to the big guns.

5:00 PM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Poor Sara. But a part of me is sitting here thinking "Heh. That'll teach her."

Doesn't children's aspirin work? I loved it as a kid.

6:09 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Those are some wily children you have there. Maybe the suppositories will work--although my mother tells me that one time when I was a toddler and got a vaccination, I clenched my little behind so hard that the vaccine shot right back out of the muscle!

I have another memory of being served Con-tac cold medicine in lemon jello, with all the little dots looking like sprinkles throughout. It didn't taste very good.

10:30 AM  
Blogger PixelPi said...

I'm betting one Tylenol suppository is going to make a pill-swallower out of Sara. Maybe even the explanation of how it works will do it. Poor kid.

6:00 PM  
Blogger Wanderlust Scarlett said...

You do the suppository one time, and she will be a pill eater for life.

I'm sorry to hear she's sick, hope she is better very soon.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

4:53 PM  
Blogger brooksba said...

Oh, these were GREAT! You put a smile on my face. Poor Sara, but then, she'll learn!

3:06 AM  

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