Tuesday, January 03, 2006

I Was Feeling Left Out

Well, just everybody I read and love is coming up with all these resolutions. I fought the urge to be all sheeplike, but as my middle name is "Fleecy", I guess it was just a matter of time. The thing is, I'm just not a resolutions gal. Nothing against them, I just feel like a failure enough without asking for additional confirmation.

So, here goes. Resolutions I can live with:
  1. Eat lots of food that is bad for me.
  2. Drink lovely wine, beer, and spirits when the fancy takes me.
  3. Drink plenty of coffee and tea.
  4. Realize I should drink more of that dull, tasteless watery water stuff but fail to do so.
  5. Sit with a foot or two on the dash when in the passenger's seat of the car.
  6. Fart and burp.
  7. Dress with dull and comfortable abandon.
  8. Mock anything I think deserves mocking.
  9. Blog about anything that deserves mocking that would not hurt someone I love or get me fired. (Actually, with those conditions, it is hard to find material, sometimes.)
  10. Kiss my kids and pets with annoying frequency. Charles is also kissed frequently but doesn't seem at all annoyed. Good man.
  11. Shamelessly pander for back and neck rubs from poor Charles.
  12. Grouse about all the mess in the house, yet not ask for help.
  13. Listen to more music.
  14. Buy a fuckload of plants for the yard, plant them, and then buy more.
  15. Continue the War of the Thistles
  16. Same for the War on Garden Bugs Who Try To Decimate The Plants I Have Slaved Over In Their Own Selfish Interest Of Feeding And Procreating.
  17. Continue to lose ground in above wars.
  18. Tell you all about it in excruciating detail, as though you had any interest in the hobby garden of a Midwestern middle-aged woman with poor fashion sense and short nails.
  19. Make inappropriate comments but only partly regret them.
  20. Read as much as possible.
  21. Spend too much time reading blogs, but not as much as I could spend.
  22. Nap. With a quilt. And a purring cat. A lot.
  23. Feel that I should be doing more with my career and training than being a Doc-in-a-box in a stripmall, but then remember how much I dislike camping, let alone living in places of tents and latrine trenches and still feel guilty but realize that for me, running off to a truly high-need place is not what I am cut out for, so do what I can where I am at present. What a cop-out.
  24. Swear too much.
  25. Laugh loudly.
  26. Hate meetings and when forced to partake in them, entertain myself with more inappropriate thoughts involving Those Who Mandated Said Meetings, the evil bastards. Death's too good for them. Why the hell did they think I went into medicine, I ask you?
  27. Fall more in friend-love with you, my blog friends.
  28. Be insanely proud of the smallest accomplishments of my amazing offspring.
  29. Be petty.
  30. Hate my hair.
  31. Be horribly bored with my clothes but do nothing about it.
  32. Wear almost nothing but jeans when not at work, jean-shorts in the summer.
  33. Wish I could just wear jeans to work and be done with it.
  34. Nitpick horribly. It truly is amazing Charles has not offed me and hidden the body. The man is a fucking saint, I tell you. Well, he would be if he just loaded the dishwasher correctly and didn't leave his socks all over the house, all balled up.
  35. Basically live as I have for the past several years and mostly like it.

So there.

Bah. Baaaaaaaah.

Labels: ,


Blogger listmaker said...

I love you list; it sounds perfect to me, especially the wearing nothing but jeans part.

12:37 PM  
Blogger moegirl said...

I like the jeans thing, wine beer and spirits, and swearing more. The only thing I would add is more chocolate- then 2006 would be a truly great year :-)

12:42 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Listmaker- I guess if I can't beat me, join me?

Stacy- I thought about adding the part about the chocolate but realized that would be tatamount to saying that I would breath and sleep, so took it as read. Yes. #36: Chocolate. Daily chocolate. Several times a day, chocolate.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

This is the best list of resolutions I've ever read--truly!!! And I'll bet you'll be able to keep all of them.

Seriously, you don't need to feel inadequate about being a so-called Doc-in-a-box. Everyone, regardless of whether their closest doctor is in a stripmall or a trench latrine, needs a quality, caring medical care and I know you provide that. It would be nice if they let you wear jeans, though.

Oh yeah. Fuckload! Even better than my personal fave, shitload. Don't be surprised if you see it show up on my blog.

2:10 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

I love you. I do. In that internet-crush-oh-my-god-you-are-so-brilliant! sort of way. (Not in a creepy way, I swear, I swear!)

2:23 PM  
Anonymous Kate W. said...

LOVE THEM! I say screw all of my resolutions I would never follow anyway and adopt all of yours! Well except for #5- I never pass gas...teeheehee

I am off to a still screaming pneumonia ick Sarah. Pitiful, I tell you...

3:35 PM  
Anonymous Kate W. said...

GAH! #6! I meant #6!

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Gerah said...

I love them all. I especially love that you said "fuckload". Hehehehehehehe.

3:53 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Rozanne- Shucks, thanks. I think "fuckload" is my favorite of them. It just explodes off the tongue. I used to wear jeans to the hospital for weekend rounds in my previous life in more relaxed PDX. Not the done thing out here with the pigs and corn, for some reason.

Teri- Smooches, mon evil twin. What you say bounces right back.

Kate- What! No! Poor Sarah. I am so envious that you are not flatulent at all. Sigh. (hehehe)

Gerah- Thanks. Life just ain't worth it without a good swear. (Glad you're back around!)

4:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi D,

Most of my comments don’t seem to "stick" once I've posted them. I must to blog challenged. Let’s see if this one works.

It sounds like a great list dear sister, but don't you just crave strapping a pair of 3 inch stilettos, or was I the only one that got that gene? I'm still recovering from walking too many blocks in too high (but devilishly cute) of sandals this New Year’s Eve. Only a foot rube and a pedicure can save me!

I won’t rub it in that I can wear jeans every day to work, and this summer I even wore shorts.

Happy New Year!

10:18 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Gail- Never have I, in all my memory, even tried on a pair of stilettos, let alone walked a block or 3. Doubly deficient in that gene.

You might try registering with Blogger if having a problem with the comments. That Blogger, he is a bastard-demon at times, and demands his sacrifice.

10:06 AM  
Blogger Cagey said...

You fart???!! MY GOD.


I'm with you on not doing resolutions. I like to use the end of the year to reflect, but not to resolve.

12:05 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Diana - excellent resolutions! I repeated some of them to the hubby.

He related to #4, laughed with me at #14 because I'll be doing it as well, enjoyed #34 because... heck, I can be particular as well.

I had tears in my eyes some of them were so funny...

Karen :)

12:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re: #26. Just email the meeting organizer and ask it you may be excused if you promise to vote with the majority. Never worked for me, but always was fun to attempt. If a meeting is announced and subsequently cancelled, be sure to "nominate the canceller for Queen or King". This has worked for me and is really fun to attempt.

The Ole Scabby-faced RFer

1:42 PM  
Blogger Babs said...

I just said the same thing about being a sheep in my post.

Great minds, eh??

(Ok, fine, scary)

I was going to list the 'drink more water' thing too, but I forgot. Along with being dull and tasteless, as you so rightly put it, I was going to mention that fish fuck in it. Who wants to drink THAT?!?!

Also: Excellent use of the word fuckload, soon enough you'll sound like a Noo Yawka!!

I'm so proud of you!!LOL

2:05 PM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

I love this list. But you forgot a few.

#37 Drive to Minnesota. Smack Dana on the back of the head. Tell her to clean her room.

#38 Realize that Dana is actually reading and not cleaning. Smack her on the head again.

#39 Catch Dana surfing the internet. Again with the smacking. Bribe Dana with chocolate and the promise that you will go to karaoke and sing "It's Raining Men." She will believe you. She's gullible.

#40 Go to karaoke. Laugh hysterically at Dana's pleas for you to sing. Distract her with something shiny.

Wouldn't that be fun? I think it would be.

2:14 PM  
Blogger brooksba said...

Awesome list! You are brilliant.

I like the additions DM posted too. I'd help you convince her, if you showed up!

3:21 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Cagey- Yeah! Can you believe it? *gasp*

I liked your take in your post very much.

Karen- Shucks, hon. I can also say that every single one of them is sure to be kept. I look forward to comparing our leafy additions when the ground thaws, say, July? (Kidding! May!)

Dad- Sadly, they tend to dock your pay for some of these meetings. Guess I'm not alone in hating them. You sounded just wonderful on the phone last night.

Babs- *sniff* I'm so proud. A Noo Yawker level swearer? Something to aspire to, indeed. I bet those filthy fish also fart and shit in said water. Blech.

Dana- With all this surrogate motherly smacking, I'll have to bring a helmet for you.

OK: *SMACK* x3, check; karaoke, check; decline repeatedly all personal singing as there is just not enough alcohol in the world, check. Oooooh, Dana, look at the lovely shiny thingy. I'm loving these resolutions.

Beth- What are we going to do with our Dana and her room? Tsk. Smack her some for me, won't you?

8:36 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home