Saturday, October 07, 2006


Him (flipping through a small book): "So Colin's reading assignment is titled My Worm Farm. She (indicating the person narrating the book, smiling in the pictures, running her hands through compost, meticulously detailing the care of compost worms--not to be confused with earth mover worms!) has a worm farm as a hobby and gets to write a book about it?"

Her: "Yeah. Poor kids. Maybe you should write one entitled My Home Theater."

Him: "Or we could write one entitled My Home Theater and My Garden With Compost Bin."

Her: "And I could follow it up with the sequel: Squash Bugs are Evil."

Him: "Or a picture book: Squashing the Squash Bugs."

Her: "Or Squash Bugs are Evil and Cucumber Beetles are Fuckers."

Him: "And at the end of the book, you could go through how to conjugate the verb 'fuck'.

Her: "Or maybe not."

Him: "It'd still be better than My Worm Farm."




Anonymous Kate W. said...

Can I come live with you? I would say I just want to be a fly on the wall but I know what happens to bugs in you house and your garden! Too funny!

9:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Periodically I contemplate a literary life, only to remember that Stephen King first had the idea that I just dreamed up. And I swear that J.K. Rowling has a direct connect to my brain.

My current literature deals with writing a newsletter to my HS graduating class. I get to connect with one and all who have email and get to be non-political while reporting the news in and around Portland/Milwaukie, OR.

Your RF'ing Dad

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Colleen said...

You guys are hilarious! I imagine that you and Charles have many funny conversations like that. Thanks for the chuckle!

10:10 PM  
Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Well, you could write about the weird way out there worms and call it, "The Funny Farm"!
Maybe worms have the caste system kinda like a pecking order (don't know what that'd be called for worms?) Like compost worms may be higher class that worms destined to be bait, or a robin's breakfast!

11:06 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Kate- Yes. Were you a fly you'd either be sucked up by the vacuum or tormented and left for dead by the kitty. You can certainly come live, but be warned, I am a confirmed left-over consumer.

Dad- Those who can't write, blog?

Colleen- I think he's funny and vice versa, so I guess we work for each other. Secret to a good marriage.

Ruth- See, there's a book for YOU to write! Although, apparently, the author also sells her compost worms for bait. I'm dismayed that I know that factoid.

9:51 AM  
Blogger brooksba said...

I would read your children's book and ask for you to sign it. Squash bugs are evil.

6:14 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

I'm not sure what I want to say here. Other than the fact that I adore you. Ever so much. And Charles. And the small children (pets and humans) and anything you two write would be 500 times better than My Worm Farm.

11:33 AM  
Blogger Lisa P said...

Um, I don't think I should admit this, but I had a dream the other night about worms (I know, I know - Freud would have a hay-day). I was in a medical school lecture hall, and the girl next to me had a pet worm. It was rather good sized, about the girth of my little finger and maybe 12 inches long, with an animated face, very cute. The pope was giving a talk on the autumnal equinox....
So... - do I need psychotherapy??

3:50 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Beth- I'll save you a signed copy.

Dana- I adore you, too. Muchly.

Lisa- (Hi Honey!) Heh. I'm having a hard time with the whole 'very cute' part, but I guess you'd have to be there. I'm assuming this was a lecture in a course on integrative medicine? I've heard ECT works for such cases. Bzzzzzt!

5:56 PM  
Blogger moegirl said...

Somehow, I find it very easy to picture you and Charles having this conversation.

12:48 AM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

I think Squashing the Squash Bugs would be a best-seller. Seriously, kids love gross-out stuff (as you well know).

2:50 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

My worm farm? (excuse me, I need to go laugh hysterically now.) Why Yes! I can see why anyone would pick that book as an example of a good children's book!

I think you should blog Squash Bugs are Evil and Cucumber Beetles are Fuckers during the next write or whatever that thing is called where everone blogs a novel.

7:54 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Stace- And you've taken part in many, many ones just like it.

Rozanne- You know, I'm sure you're right. Maybe I should get out the camera before this year's squash bugs all freeze.

Teri- Hah! The dark and twisted part of me likes that idea greatly. Maybe.

10:44 AM  

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