Thursday, January 05, 2006

Resistance Is Futile

Guess what word Charles and I utter most.

Go ahead.


Nope. Not "and", "I", "the" or any of the other similar sentence starters.

It is "NO!" or it's less often used brethren: "NO!", "No!" or, rarely, "no".

We decided, last week, that we were becoming bored with the lack of vocabulary variety and that we needed an alternative for such recent real-life instances:

Me: "Sara, what would you like for breakfast?"
Me: "Ahhhhh, No."

Me: "Molly! NO! Stop eating the kitty's litter! and, NO!, don't lick me, now, please.

Me: "AAAAUUUGGGHHHhhh!" Madison, please, no climbing up my lightly pajama clad legs with your razor claws. (*whimper*)

Charles (muttered in soto voce in her ear): "Sara, no tantrums in the grocery store. If you don't stop this minute, you will go to the car at once, and...NO Dora The Explorer."

Me and Charles: "Molly! No!" or "Mollyno!, Mollyno!" (conservatively uttered, every 27 seconds, no exaggeration)

Aaaand, most horrifyingly recently:

Charles and I together: "What does she have in her mouth? Is that cat shit??? NONONONONONONONO! BAD DOG! Baaaaaaad Dooooooog! No!"

(Aside: No, we are not quite that stupid, the cat box is kept in the laundry room with the door blocked. It's just that for brief minutes, on occasion, the doorway is un-boxed and our attention is diverted. It is then that the dog-eating-cat-feeces-and-litter episodes take place.)

Remembering back to an old Dr Who series, as I recall, Charles came up with our new reply-in-negative: Resistance is futile. Just has that authoritarian ring we are looking for, especially if you roll the "R". Variety is the spice of life. Try it for yourselves. I think you'll find it fun. At the very least, it will garner you the odd look from the annoying customer, co-worker, or family member.

Wonder where this will rank on our kids' lists of What My Parents Did To Land Me In Therapy.

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Blogger Teri said...

My brother has a Doctor Who scarf. My mom made it for him. Actually, she made him two. the first one got stolen.

Other than that, I guessed your oft-uttered word. I use it a lot, too.

(I'm now wishing my house were bigger on the outside than the inside.)

10:38 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

I have a Doctor Who scarf as well. The problem is that it's the same length as the one Tom Baker wore and he's quite a lot taller than me. By a good foot. You can only wrap a scarf around you so many times.

I like using Resistance is Futile but I thought it was from Star Trek: TNG. Wow. Two of my favorite sci fi shows clash. I love it.

2:27 PM  
Blogger brooksba said...

One of the words that we try to avoid without much success. I've heard it is the word to not say to children for the fear that they'll pick it up.

I like resistance is futile. I find myself using phrases that are customer service friendly to avoid saying the dreaded word. Like, "Unfortunately, I would not be able to assist you with [insane request]."

4:26 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Teri- I think I love your mom.

Dana- Am I the only one without a Dr Who scarf? I remember some Tom Baker episode with some squatty robot searching them out and proclaiming "Resistance is futile!" every 5 seconds or so. I am also thinking the vogons used it in Hitchhiker's Guide.

Beth- Bah. Kids need to get used to the concept of "no". Also, "over my dead body", "not in your lifetime" and "never in 1000 years". For expanding their horizons, alternating with "non", "nyet", and any others you care to throw in are also good. I like your alternatives. Very diplomatic for a non-draconian situation.

5:20 PM  
Blogger moegirl said...

I like "resistance is futile"- that's a good one. Here is my on-going dialogue with Allie.

Me: "No"

Allie"But..." re-asking, whining, negotiating ensues

Me: "NO. No is a complete sentence. Asking again will not get you a new answer."

We do this little dialogue a few times a week. Sometimes I wish I could make some weird sound instead of saying "no"- Like screaming "waka-waka" at the top of my lungs.

6:27 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Stacy- Brilliant! Waka-Waka! Like Fozzy Bear on PCP! I think I will adopt it as well. Variety is good. You have burst my hopes that children are trainable in the whole "No means no" thing. You'd think if one never, ever budged on that whole "no" thing, eventually the kid would save breath. Guess not.

8:36 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

"What part of NO didn't you understand, the N or the O?"

Used, with great effect, by my mother and parroted by me.

11:23 PM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

You are not alone. I don't have a Dr. Who scarf, although I'm sure I could knit myself one.

My guess is that "resistance is futile" will work just as well as "no" with the cat and the dog, which is to say it won't work at all, so you might as well use the one that is most amusing to utter.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like to say "Yes." They don't expect it. Then, when disbelief turns to joy I follow up with, "when live in your own house and make your own rules." Ahhhh. Cruelty can be sooooo refreshing.

...and now, back to lurking.


5:06 PM  

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