Fun With Mom
If you were non-driving members of this family, you'd have all sorts of fun with this turn of events:
- Eke oodles of entertainment as you sit in the kitchen hollering "MOM!....MOM!...MOM!...MOM!..." with the regularity of a pulsar. When 'Mom' finally hauls her sorry self from under the blanket on the couch, surrounded by tea and tissues, to see what's wrong, you smile sweetly and tell her "I love you." Repeat. She'll be unable to do anything but stand there twitching as the conflicting emotions of extreme irritation and sappy mom-love battle across her face.
- Smother the laughter as you watch her ram her knee cap into the corner of the coffee table and hop around unable to holler bad words, yell or even whimper. Pretend you can't read her lips.
- If you're the dog and it's time to come in, sit there grinning with a faux puzzled expression on your face as she whispers, "Come, Molly! Come in! Come in now!"
- If you're Sara, refuse flatly to get dressed after swimming lessons, instead lie Gandhi-like on the locker room floor as your mom glares daggers at you and barely-whispers all sorts of dire threats. Pretend that you can't hear these threats. Ask, "What?" over and over. Unfortunately, find that she has access to your brother's Gameboy and that all the fun is lost from the situation when she sits on the locker room bench, turns her back on you and starts to play Mario-something on it.
- If you're the evil kitty, take every opportunity to claw the carpet as you know she isn't going to get up off the couch and stop you and that snaps and claps have no detrimental effects on cats. Make sure there's nothing heavy in arm's reach that she could chuck at you.
- If you're Colin, watch as her eyeballs bulge alarmingly as she whisper-shouts at you to JUST GET YOUR SHOES IN YOUR BACKPACK ALREADY AND YOUR BOOTS ON AS THE BUS IS COMING IN 30 SECONDS AND SHE'S NOT DRIVING YOU TO SCHOOL!!! Watch the vessels in her temples throb and her face turn a most unbecoming shade of puce.
- After she's explained to you for the, I dunno, is-there-even-a-number-that-large-eth time that she really, really can't say a word, no matter how much she wants to, and that even whispering is exhausting her, ask her what this says. Repeat. Again. And again. As her reserves for ignoring you grow, you'll have to be even more persistent. But I know you have it in you.
Now, who's up for some phone call fun?
Labels: Whining to a Captive Audience