Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Backhanded Complement of the Week

The scene: Our heroine in her domain, the small but fairly well-stocked exam room, having successfully navigated the waters of the twice unsatisfied patient from another clinic, leaving him both he and his girlfriend enlightened as to what influenza entails and why antibiotics aren't in his best interest, yet providing them with full written and verbal instructions of what the hell we CAN do for his misery and woe (namely good drugs for his cough and instructions to call back if not better in 3 days, plus what the hell to take over the counter):

Diana: "So. Any other questions? Anything I've missed or not explained?"

Patient: (ill but not, as feared, dying) "No. That makes sense. Why are you so much better than the Real Doctors?"

Diana: (sigh) "But I am a real doctor." She looks hang dogged and shows the redundant name tag with her name, followed with the moniker 'MD', AND the embroidery above the breast pocket of her (formerly) white, long lab coat that also proclaims the fruit of many years of lost sleep, lost fun, lost friends, lost youth and unfathomable student loan debt, stating that, indeed, she is 'Diana Piffle, MD'.

Patient: "You know what I mean."

Do I ever.

And for my next feat, I will impersonate an x-ray tech, which should be much harder as it will actually require me to do something, namely produce a recognizable image of a person's inside stuff.



(PS: This really was not meant for sympathy. I just thought it was terribly funny.)



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't get it... Just because you didn't act like an enormous @$$ means you aren't a REAL doctor????? Or am I just misinterpreting, as I have all my life avoided sick strangers. Huh?


1:43 AM  
Blogger Sanjay said...

That was funny, it's possible that all their experiences with docs may have been less than pleasant?

Sometimes word of mouth helps too, or maybe there is a network of good docs.
Our realtor recommended our family physician and whoever he has sent us to have been just great docs.
I would surely be comfortable with you as my doc :)

7:10 AM  
Blogger Lauren said...

Wow. People say the strangest things. You know what I mean, right. lol

7:57 AM  
Anonymous The Ole RF-er said...

Just get me the idiot's name and your husband and I will put a "hurtin'" on him; the illiterate swine, but then that insults pigs. No one messes with my kids without a good whoopin'.

The Ole RF-er

12:38 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Morris- I'm thinking I've got to work on my bedside manner, yes?

Sanjay- Thank you for saying that. I really did get a large grin out of it. Our realtor also sent us to our first beloved pediatrician, before I'd worked there long enough to figure out who'd work with us best. He moved on, but by then I could pick a replacement.

Lauren- I do know what you mean. His girlfriend was embarassed for him, which was cute.

Dad- Ok. Repeat after me: It was a 'funny'. It was a 'funny'. Now back away from the virtual patients. They mean no harm and provide me with much needed self ridicule.

3:34 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

But how's your handwriting? Is it legible? Because you can't be a real doctor if it's legible. Just ask the woman who works in admissions at the local hospital that we sat and chatted with today - because, you know, you have to go through admissions to get a blasted x-ray done (she was actually very nice. And made pockets laugh...).... oh, sorry, I'm hogging your comments section, here...

7:47 PM  
Anonymous christie said...

HA! Sorry, but having heard the "real doctor" line 40000 times in the last 5 years I find it HIGHLY AMUSING that the real doctor finally got that line!

8:04 PM  
Blogger listmaker said...

Ah, out of the mouths of idiots....

I don't suppose I could convince you to move to NewTown with me(I'll buy you plants - lots and lots of plants). I've started the search for a new doc, and with nothing to go on but the yellow pages, I guess I'll resort to the scientific method of choosing the one with the coolest name.

8:04 PM  
Blogger Mojavi said...

lol all I can think of is the time you got hit in the face with a blown boil.... I'm thinkin' only a real dr can wipe that shit off her face and say... "So any more questions"

10:14 PM  
Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Maybe it was because you looked too young to be a doctor?!!!
I'm quite sure you're an excellent doctor. Mine's about to retire...can I have you??? (Well you'd be inheriting a ratty file about 2 ' thick!!)

10:26 PM  
Blogger Jocelyn said...

I fully intend to engage you as my Virtual Doctor, so if I get a callous from typing too many blog comments, you can not prescribe me something...

11:47 PM  
Blogger moegirl said...

How I remember how hard you worked to be a "real" doctor! What goobers.

I believe it is because you (and Charles) took an anti-aging serum in 1988 and forever look as if you are in your early 20s. Therefore, looking so youthful and adorable--goobers doubted that you were a real doctor.

12:36 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Teri- Ooooh! Now you may be onto something. My hand writing is actually legible. My signature, though, is not at all. I have to make a 'tick' mark by my name that is listed on the top of the Rx paper. So I guess I'm only 1/2 doc, and, therefore, 'not Real'. I bow to you, oh analytical goddess.

Christie- oh, you KNOW I thought about you afterward. My colaborating NP, J, gets livid when that happens. He also just loves it when people ask him when he's going to go to school to be a Real Doctor. I'm sure you get that from 40000 people, too. (Actually I've gotten that one before, it's just been a while.)

Listie- Hm. Of course I'd have to know where NewTown is, although I've got a general idea... You could do worse than go with the coolest name. Could your husband ask around work for some suggestions? Or, of course, ask a realtor!

Mojavi- Now that is a memory I will take to my grave. (shudders)

Ruth- I wish that were the case. I used to get the "But you look too young to be a doctor!" On a regular basis. Now it's only from myopic nonagenarians and really creepy guys who think that'll get them somewhere. I'd adore you as a patient should I ever lose all sense and reason and return to primary care. But then you'd know I'd developed a large pulsating frontal lobe tumor that had destroyed all judgement and should flee from my care.

Jocelyn- I'm here to serve every little callus and finger strain. I'll call in the Good Stuff.

Stace- Yes, you got to see that mess first hand. Sadly, Charles is the only one of us to have sustained Dick Clark Syndrome. I do look my stated age. Hoo Boy, do I.

8:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear ya! Just like when I used to train males to be Xerox Repair Technicians. The customer would talk to the guy, who didn't know squat, and I would answer their questions. Funny, but they never realized the guy wasn't answering and would just keep asking them more questions. People can be pretty amazing at times.

Just keep laughing and enjoy how ridiculous live can be at times.

Love, Cathy

12:57 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Cathy- Ah, just like car shopping. Don't you just want to grab them by the chin and swivel their heads so they are forced to look at you as you are talking to them?

2:28 PM  
Blogger Lisa P said...

Diana - (Hi Honey!).
I don't get it.
What do you mean "Do I ever."
I'm a real doc. and I take umbridge with that comment...
Maybe by "real" he means all the bad ones that give the good ones (like us) a bad rap.. Yeah, that's it.

3:13 PM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

Just what did that patient mean with that "real doctor" comment.

Do you think it's cuz you're not a man? I hate to think there are still people who still think that way, but i guess there probably are.

8:24 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Lisa- (Hi Honey!) I think I thought he meant that as I do convenient care rather than continuity care, I'm not a Real Doc as I don't have my own patients. I'm not see as 'one of us' by most of the docs in the network, but I'll take that if it means I don't have call or nursing home duties or the rest of it. Therefore my 'do I ever' comment was reminding myself that what I've given up is worth what I've got.

Rozanne- Maybe. I still run into that on a regular basis. There are only, let's see...I think...6 female docs in the area, out of about 100 total. 1 of which is leaving in a few months. We are hardly equally represented.

10:36 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

I wish you were my doctor, although I am very fond of Deb. My brother once told me I needed to see a "real doctor" because she's a PA and I was terribly offended. I think it really depends on the person.

So want to fix my achilles tendonidisisisisis? I self diagnosed but I'm sure it will be confirmed on Friday.

10:10 AM  
Blogger brooksba said...

Back-handed compliments can be funny. They're not good to give, but the story of them are quite amusing.

I don't understand why he didn't think you were a real doctor. What made him think that?

3:11 PM  
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