1) Why did the giant super economy sized "jug-o-value" of liquid laundry detergent decide to leak about a pint of slippery blue detergent all over the bottom of the drawer of the plastic rolling cart in which it resides? A place it has happily sat for over a year, being used sporadically, say every several months. A place where it has rested, on its side, (admittedly not the best of arrangements but the only one that would allow it to both be in the drawer and allow the drawer to be shut) undisturbed for several months. I only use the messy stuff if there is something large and biohazardy that needs getting out, like one of Colin's patented giant economy-sized nose bleeds. Not being happy merely with mucking up the drawer and coating its neighboring laundry treating agents with blue goo, it then trickled out the little opening that was in the bottom of the drawer and all over the floor of the laundry room. Why was the drawer manufactured with a hole in the bottom, in the first place? Oddly, when I examined the cap, it was still tightly in place. The last time I was in that drawer? Why 12 hours ago, and all was quiet on the Western Front, let me tell you. So. Which is it? Pixies, elves or poltergeists?
2) Why in this age of genetic engineering and designer crops has no one done the obvious? Why are zucchini and cucumbers the same shape and color as their foliage? These things were meant to be picked and consumed, not eventually stumbled across when they are the size and succulence of a medium-sized American car. At that point, they are only good for consignment to the compost pile. Actually, come to think of it, I'm now not so sure it is wise to put these vehicle-sized and obviously cloaking-device endowed vegetables out in the midst of the primordial soup that is my compost pile. Besides, they might get ideas from the thistles that lurk there. What to do? What to do?
3) As long as we are on the subject of vegetables that obviously do not want to do their duty and be picked for my consumption, why are zucchini and such endowed with razor wire for leaves? This is not helpful. This does not make the eater of the fruiting body and, in the days of pooping (hah! use of the word "poop") in the woods, the spreader of the seeds, WANT to go foraging amongst the leaves. If they can breed thornless blackberries, surely they can remove the needles from these crops as well.
4) How can someone whose stomach is literally the size of an apricot manage to eat a pile of chicken, a large piece of bread and butter, a bowl of salad, 3 cartons of yoghurt, a whole graham cracker and 2 cups of milk in one sitting? The real question: Should I even bother to buy her clothes in the next size up or just skip to the size after that? Actually, the question is rhetoric as I pretty much just buy every-other-size until they hit kindergarten, anyway.
OK, that's about it. I don't need correct answers people, just answers.