Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Cranky Goes A-Ranting II

Generally, I am a placid, easy going lass. Things do bother me, but I usually get past them with a shrug and a muttered profanity or two. If it's something extreme, I may resort to a quick venting with Charles (or a handy friend) with briefly bulging eyeballs and spittle. After that, I wipe my mouth and poke my globes back in my orbits (It's handy, being a contact lens wearer. No qualms about manhandling your eyeballs back to their proper positions.) and I'm done. Water off a duck's back.


Sometimes, though, I must take more extreme steps to purge these irritations. That's where you come in, oh my friends in the computer. If I get these down, I can remove them, one by one from my psyche, where they are currently lodged, like splinters in my toes.

1) It is summer. Summer is hot. In hot weather one tends to wear cooler clothing. In winter, it is cold. In winter, one tends to wear warmer clothing. Therefore, in summer, the set temperature of a building ought to be warmer than in the winter. Yes? Fuck yes. Or not. At least not in our office, where it is set at a frosty 68 and even in my lab coat I am shivering and holding my warm cuppa coffee to try to get the feeling back in my fingers. Lacking a warm mug, I am forced to inflict them on my poor patients. If you need me to examine your sore throat, you will probably not mind my corpse-cold hands. If you need me to poke around on your belly, you will probably find yourself clutching the ceiling tiles, where your reflexes have flung you. (Of course, I have inquired into the reason for this. I have been told that the A/C in this building requires it to be set at this level or it stops working. My comment that it would not be a bad thing went unheeded.) Were I a patient sitting on the iceberg that is the exam table in my underpants and a sheet, I'd have even more to say.

2) The problem with being a smart-ass is that it can be difficult for people to realize that you are not being a smart-ass when you suggest it would not be a bad thing to let the A/C die a quick death.

3) Baby talk. Especially baby talk to babies. If you are a consenting adult and prefer to call them 'doggies' and 'horseys' and utter sentences like "Oof. I went whoopsies!" and "I need to tinkle," then that's your own lookout. But the babies, for crying out loud, are just learning to talk. Let's teach them to talk correctly.

4) Jell-o is not a salad. It is a dessert. And corn is not a vegetable, it is a grain. A very tasty grain, but a grain, none the less. It does not count as a serving of veggies anymore than a piece of bread does. That is, unless you are the branch of the federal government that oversees the nutritional content of school lunches, which notoriously considered fries and ketchup to each count as a serving of veggies. I haven't looked, but I'm sure that then qualifies a PB&J sandwich as 2 veggies and a fruit. Add 2 handfuls of chips and you've got your '5 A Day' all in one sitting.

5) The entire office, minus a couple of us, is taking part in the new weight loss clinic that has been started at our site. A program that involves medication and shots and such. (No, I'm not involved, just a bystander.) Why, then, did those staff members who are partaking in this ordeal order 2 huge egg, bacon and cheese breakfast pizzas from the local pizza delivery place? I understand cravings during dieting. Lord, do I. But is this really such a good idea? (Can you tell it is taking every ounce of willpower to not go to the back room and scam a few slices? Could that be at the root of my bitterness? Hush, you.)

There. I feel better. Still hungry, but better.

Anyone else need to fling some angst? It's fun.



Blogger Cagey said...

Bravo on the Corn n' Jello screed!

11:07 AM  
Blogger Lisa P said...

Once again - you've hit the nail on the head. OH, SO agree w/ you on all accounts. Especially the frigid temp of the office and the veggie servings -you know, potatoes are America's most popular vegetable. Can you say "fries with that please..." (However, even I find myself making silly noises to a baby (they like it, after all). Love ya'.

1:28 PM  
Blogger gnightgirl said...

I feel your pain on the A/C issues; we wear blankets on our laps thru July & August. There are buildings attached, and the A/C doesn't work for the front one. We try to cool it using the back one...the one I sit in. At least I have a steamy car waiting for me after work.

And you struck a nerve with the baby talk too; had a weird episode last night in which my 55 year old aunt talked goo-goo talk throughout an entire meal. I'm not sure why, but it made me VERY tense.

3:16 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Cagey- Thank you for the affirmation. One of the nurses and I went round and round a year ago on that.

Lisa- Hi Honey! Silly noises to babies are definitely allowed! And car and motorboat and airplane noises. Just don't go on and on about "See the little horseys? Wook at de widdle horseys." Or if you do, please don't be offended if I start making snide and not terribly quiet comments about you.

Gnightgirl- How horrifying! That would creep me out to the point of losing my appetite (a rare occurance, let me tell you). The back part of our office is also warm, sadly, all my 'business' is here toward the front. I tried to go hang out by the back door, that lets out into the back alley, but it was stinky out there from all the humidity and the primer drying on the exit doors that they were painting, so I retreated. Tomorrow, I'm bringing a warm sweater. It's supposed to be in the 90s.

5:56 PM  
Blogger Rozanne said...

Egg, bacon, and cheese breakfast pizza? How Midwest.

I actually think it sounds kinda gross.

Some people put ketchup on their scrambled eggs, so if anyone in your office was doing that, of course, the pizza immediately becomes a lot healthier.

5:58 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Spinning is spinning whether one uses a drop spindle or a spinning wheel.

If you (generic) must call one of them 'spindling', then I'm going to start calling the other 'wheeling'.

There, I'm vented. :)

I hear ya on the air conditioning. The library I work in is much the same but because the building is so damn huge and largely open, the temperatures actually vary considerably. Some days I need a fan, some days I need a sweater.


6:29 PM  
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6:41 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

No. Air. Conditioning. In. Europe. Temps 30 celcius (plus) (30 is 86 Fahrenheit) Every. Damn. Day. (Record highs where we were.)

The 60 degree hotel room last night? Heaven. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to research where I can buy industrial strength deodorant prior to my next trip - whenever that my be.

7:50 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

p.s. Corn is definately a grain - it's a grass, just like wheat and rye. Jello is made from ground up cow's hooves and is gross, not dessert or a salad.

7:52 PM  
Anonymous christie said...

I've always wondered how schools always end up pairing pizza (usually cheese pizza) with corn....ah, how we are teaching out young 'uns about a balanced diet.

Vent, OHHHH....so many choices. People who, upon hearing that I'm divorced, say something along the lines of "Oh I'm so sorry....". The divorce, she was a very very good thing, no one needs to apologize to me for that. Now the marriage, it totally blew, but the only who needs to suck up to me and apologize about that is, well, me (me and me have had many a late night conversation about this if you can't tell). Along that same line, total strangers at stores who are commenting on my gorgeous brilliant and totally amazing child who say "Oh his daddy must be so proud" Yes, I know they're trying to be nice but, err, yeah, proud, not exactly the word I'd pick.

Done bitch'n, thank ya much.

9:31 PM  
Anonymous Kate W. said...

Oh dear I think I DO say I need to tinkle!! I will stop-I promise!! Love the venting- I have many to add but I am too tired...sigh Maybe if I had a slice of that breakfast pizza... eew no just kidding (shudder)

10:22 PM  
Blogger brooksba said...

Baby talk annoys me.

As for stretching the food group boundaries, do you think I can consider Cherry Coke as a fruit?

And I hate having to bring a sweatshirt just to go to the grocery store, let alone the doctor's office. I wish I could get by wearing sweaters at work.

12:30 AM  
Blogger Lauren said...

What I hate is the young, young girls who are overly concerned with their appearance so that they can look like the anorexic examples they see on TV.

I just try to tell my daughter(whose 4) she doesn't need to worry about anything as long as she eats her fruits and veggies and excercises(ride her bike, run around, playing, etc). Which thankfully she does. Now I just need to follow in her footsteps.

As for the A/C, our office can be terribly cold in the summer and actually hot in the winter. But at least in the summer I have an A/C control over my head.

Stay warm.

8:10 AM  
Blogger Lauren said...

Oh man. Sorry for the bad spelling. I hate when I do that. Who's not whose.
I bet you are sorry you asked for vents now. :)

8:12 AM  
Blogger listmaker said...

You know how I feel about air conditioning, which is why it's off and I'm sitting here sweating at 9am.

Baby talk? For the most part, it's icky, although I've been guilty of saying horsey.

I don't dare comment on the whole food/diet issue. This summer nutrition has gone to hell and I think we need an intervention. What do mean popsicles aren't fruit?

9:15 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

I wanted to link to the pizza place but the franchise site didn't have the famed breakfast pizza. Apparently it's one of the ones that is 'special' to individual sites. Colin puts ketchup on his eggs. It horrifies me. Maybe I should rethink that as it is benefitting his health?

Karen- Now I can't get past you 'looming' in the background. I forgot my sweater this morning. I'm wrapped in a blanket. Grrr.

Johnny- Soon, you will be (temporarily) free at last. Oy, indeed.

Teri- Really? No A/C in Europe? And inadequare deoderant? Maybe that's why Johnny calls Portugal 'The Armpit of Europe'? I never dreamed she was being literal. I need to travel. Jell-o is sorta gross although, when I am sick, I must have plain peach Jell-o. Must. Gummy Bears must have extra hooves. Mmmmmmm. Hoooooves.

Christie- Yes! Corn? With Pizza? WTF? I never got that time honored combination, either. I'm not sorry you lost the evil one. Someone should send you flowers on the anniversary of shedding him.

Kate!- You got through! Blogger let you comment! I have been meaning to e-mail you, but I am a sucky friend. That breakfast pizza would not have been your friend.

Beth- I'm sure Uncle Sam considers Cherry Coke a fruit and 7-Up a juice. To your health! Cheers.

Lauren- Exactly! And so many of the others are already terribly obese or well on their way to becoming so! We are so very messed up. I love your approach for your daughter. We tend to live what we learn as children. (I won't tell you how many times I went back and corrected blatant errors in this post after I hit 'publish'. Let's just say it was more than twice.)

Listie- I'd rather sweat than freeze any day. Given your stressful summer (and spring and winter) the last thing you need to worry about is the food/diet issue. There will be time to take care of yourself when you've moved and settled in and taken a breath or 30. (Oh, and popsicles are fruit, as long as they aren't neon-colored.)

9:57 AM  
Blogger moegirl said...

I hear ya- somedays the minor irritations grow into a full blown rant. Let it out- it feels good!

I didn't know corn was grain! I always counted it as a veggie. But then, what do I know? My four food groups are caffeine, chocolate, salty snacks and toast.

(P.S. the reunion blog post is up- you may find it funny)

3:20 PM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

What? Corn is a grain? Well, that's just weird. But yes, Jell-O is so not a salad. Serving it in salad fashion is wrong.

Breakfast pizzas kind of annoy me because I don't like eggs and, at least at McDonalds, will order the food without it and you can't do that with breakfast pizza. Or maybe you can. I don't know. I'd rather have sausage, pepperoni, green and black olives pizza for breakfast. If you're going to eat pizza for breakfast, you might as well go all out.

Actually, I do like eggs, I just don't like fast food eggs. Keem makes very good eggs. I only put ketchup on the boiled ones. Mmm, boiled eggs.

What should I vent about? How about the guy at the antique shop that I called this morning who got extremely condescending with me and called me "my dear." I don't mind when little old ladies call me sweetie or honey or dear but I hate it when people do it in that "I'm so smarter than you" tone. Bite me.

I love air conditioning. Sorry. When you're my size, you're hot all the time (which comes in really handy in the winter) But yeah, 70 degrees would be better.

I do love it when you vant. It's fun.

6:13 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Stace- Thank heavens! I no longer need to haunt your blog quite so obsessively. Once you know it's in the grass family, you slap your head and say, "so obvious!"

Dana- I find A/C a necessary evil but don't get it being set at the frigid levels it so often is. Your version of a breakfast pizza sounds so much better! Good vants, all.

1:33 PM  
Blogger moegirl said...

Where does corn fit into the caffiene, chocolate, salty snacks and toast? Is it part of the toast family since it's grain?

I hope you enjoyed the reunion post...It was bizarre seeing your brother after 19 yrs. I just expect people not to age...

3:12 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

The over-air-conditioning thing is near the top of my Pet Peeves list. Here we are in the year 2006, squandering our few remaining resources on keeping our buildings 68 degrees in the middle of summer. Which in most of the northern hemisphere right now is a -30 degree differential. Sheesh.

As you may recall, I have Raynaud Syndrome. This makes me especially annoyed at excessive A/C. There is no way I should ever have to have symptoms in the summer! On the bright side, when I initially went to the doctor to get diagnosed, I had no trouble showing the doc a classic red-white-blue progression in my toes...because it was freaking Ice Station Zero in the doctor's office! My symptoms were so classic that she even brought in some medical students to look at my feet.

6:13 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

Stace- Call it popcorn and place it under the 'salty snacks' category? Has it really been that long? Seeing him and Kai so rarely, I still have a hard time realizing that they're both fully grown.

Jamie- You, especially, would hate the overly fridgid summertime offices. And you are so right. In this day and age, there's no excuse to dial it back. I bet even 5 degrees (which would probably match the winter office temperature) would probably save scads in resources and, therefore, dollars. Nice of you to turn your misery into a learning experience for others!

8:20 AM  
Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Why can't they do a simple thing like regulate temperature indoors if they can send off various things into space? At my school, we wear summer things in winter and winter things in summer! My husband's chiropractic office isn't too bad since it's on a heat pump, and I'm loving it right now as it is 36 degrees Celsius!

9:31 PM  

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